Jon Hamm and Jennifer Westfeldt together for 15 years

Jon Hamm and Jennifer Westfeldt together for 15 years, I once saw a relatively famous female writer read at a bookstore, and someone I had come with leaned over and whispered, "She's dating [famous male writer] and he doesn't want to marry her, so now she's pretending she doesn't believe in marriage." The comment struck me as incredibly telling: it had the potential to be very true, very insulting, or a combination of both.

Now that Jennifer Aniston's engaged, it was only a matter of time before the gossip rags found someone else to label as a ring-chasing old crone, and Jennifer Westfeldt is perfect for the part. Why? Because she's 41, successful as an actress and director in her own right, and in a committed, childless, seemingly content long-term relationship with Jon Hamm's penis, and everyone would be much more comfortable if Jon Hamm was doing that with a 24-year-old model who has one IMDB credit as "Shot Girl #3" on an episode of CSI: Miami—or at least another person who was readily identifiable as a sex symbol. (Jennifer Westfeldt is gorgeous. But that's a whole other rant.)

The 14 years that Hamm and Westfeldt have spent together seems like a partnership in every way: adorable interviews! Adorable Gap ads! Working together on Friends With Kids! Managing not to come off like one of those completely insufferable Hollywood couples! Before Hamm became the biggest sex symbol on TV in Mad Men, he was a struggling actor in Los Angeles with Westfeldt by his side, whose vehicle Kissing Jessica Stein had been a sleeper success.

Naturally, now that he's pulled up alongside and then far surpassed Westfeldt on the starmeter scale, gossip began this summer that his habits were beginning to fuse with Don's: he'd been seen flirting with other women at bars and possibly stepping out on Westfeldt with an Italian actress. "Jon's like a kid in a candy store these days, and he made it clear that he doesn't want the party to end," says a source, who now claims in the National Enquirer that Westfeldt has just given Hamm an ultimatum:

Jon and Jennifer have talked marriage before, but he's always shied away from it. Now, Jennifer's at a stage in her life when she wants stability, security and a family. So she worked up the nerve and told Jon it was time to get married or she was moving on. [But] Jon angrily told Jennifer that a wed­ding was not in their future. He said, "If you want to get married, go right ahead. There's the door. Go find someone else to marry because it's not going to be me!"
Reportedly Westfeldt broke down in tears, backed down and stormed out of the room. Of course, the National Enquirer is hardly the be-all end-all of journalistic integrity, and the whiff of total and complete bullshit is strong on this one, but I guarantee you this ain't the end of "Jennifer Westfeldt Trying To Snag Jon Hamm In Nuptial Bear-Trap" headlines.